A JOURNEY WE DIDN'T SEE COMING

From the archives: The post was written fall of 2019. Prior to any knowledge of covid, shutdowns, etc. I kept it private and in my heart. I think this post so is sweet because it shows how tired and vulnerable I was in this stage of life. Here I am posting it over two years later. Maybe you will take something from it! :)

P.S. Notice how God prepared us for what was to come…..before we knew what was coming. This was prior to our house being built, my grandmother’s cancer diagnosis, covid, online learning, etc. How gracious He was to us.

It was 5:30am, the baby woke up and she was ready to eat. I juggled warming a bottle while bouncing her on my hip to keep her quiet while the older two were getting the last important hour and a half of sleep before school. If they woke up early, it would be grumpy-town for everyone. The baby ate, and I continued the bounce her while I made the kid’s lunches and breakfast with enough protein and fruit to make it through the day since they would be away from home. I tried to get myself together before they woke up, but most mornings I looked like I just rolled out of bed with spit up on my shirt and barely hanging on by a thread. We were ALWAYS the last ones rolling up, apologetically waving at the teachers who knew you were just doing the best you could. Half of the mornings were met with tears as the kids cried having to go to school. Scott works early hours, so the mornings were a constant stress and anxiety for me to do alone…

We did this dance day after day. After day. After day.

Lets rewind a bit. School has always been a hard choice for me. I looked around at everyone else making effortless decisions about where their kids were going to go to school. And just as sure as they were about where their kids would be going to school, they also had an opinion about where yours should go, too. I toured, questioned, and researched EVERY option available to us. If someone else was going to have my child from 8:00-3:00 every day, I wanted to be happy with the decision.

When it was time for Carter to go to Kindergarten, I had to get serious. We HAD to make a decision , and it was paralyzing. If you decided to go against the public school route, you were met with endless questioning and judgement. “Why would you pay for an education when one is available for free?” “They will be fine, we all did it.” “A Christian education should come from home and church, you shouldn’t rely on school alone to do that for you.” ETC. The moment I pushed back against the norm, people got genuinely concerned about the decisions we were making for our family.

We ended up landing on a Classical School that just opened in our town. It was most appealing because of the two-four day schedule and time it would free up at home. In Kindergarten, Carter went two days per week, and then three days in first grade. It was perfect. Of course, there were things I would change if I could, just like any other school, but it was a good fit for that year. Paying for one private education was way more feasible than three, but we were taking it year by year. Now, let’s go back to the situation where we first started this post…

I was run down, tired of the back and forths of endless school drop offs and changing the parenting hat from baby to toddler meltdown, to 1st grade homework. Yes, school was only 3 days per week, but the days did not line up with Molly’s preschool days, so we found ourselves constantly on the go. I started looking around at everyone else, and again, feeling lost. How am I the only one questioning this? Is everyone really okay with the 100mph way of life? Do we really all have to go with the grain because it is what everyone else is doing?

A family member suggested we homeschool, an i’m almost positive my eyes rolled back into the back of my head. I was drowning…how on earth would I educate my kids, too?

But God.

How frustratingly amazing He is sometimes.

As most of you probably know, we bought a farm. YES, a legit farm with a barn. I am still pinching myself. We did this because we wanted SPACE. We loved our neighborhood, but we longed for space to run and grow. We wanted a place to retreat and slow down life a bit. And, lets be honest, a place to park our camper and not pay $100/month to store it. HA! Well, God put the MOST PERFECT property in our path. This vision of slowing down, living on land-by family, and making a forever home was quickly becoming a reality.

Letters started to roll in about enrollment. Flyers welcoming us to open houses, and I got a pit in my stomach every time. Of course, everyone wants the best for their kids, but what happens when the best for your kids, ends up being something that society says, “You want to do what?” Do we still do it?

When I take a step back and look at my life, in the grand scheme of things, what is truly important to me? I try to have eternal eyes, and not worldly eyes. If I feel like God has called me to something for our family, even if I don’t feel equipped, I can almost hear him whispering “watch me work” with a smirk on his face.

Scott and I went on a date night while all of this was brewing, and it was MUCH to my surprise that he was on board for homeschooling. Of course, we both liked the idea of saving money, and being involved in our kids education, but to truly make the decision…surprised me. Do people do this? Are we hippys? Are we going to crash and burn? Maybe. But that is life, no one is perfect.

I started thinking that the idea of homeschooling was more appealing than ACTUALLY going though with it. But then I thought, we live ONCE. We get one childhood with our kids. Or, whatever is left of the childhood that we let them have now days…guilty as everyone else here.

Let me add a HUGE disclaimer here. Just as I would never, ever, in any way want people to judge me and my parenting decisions, I would never judge you for yours. The whole point in this, is that how you parent your kids is between YOU and GOD. Maybe God has placed you in your career path and public school for a reason and you are SUPER passionate about it, I am applauding you for trusting that! Maybe you stay home and could homeschool, but your children flourish and thrive in their school, I am applauding you for seeing that and pursuing that! Maybe you are a traveling family and do “school on the road”, amazing! I applaud you!

There is a natural division in our culture that God warns us about. Let’s not let the division keep us from pursuing our God-given passions. If you see someone living different from you, love unconditionally.

Anytime someone goes against the “norm”, is makes people wiggle in their seats with discomfort. I think it forces people to look at their own life and question they decisions, which brings defensive comments. Maybe unintentional, but still hurtful. So pause, breathe, and remember that their choice does not have anything to do with you. YOU have the authority to make the decisions for your family, and no one can know what is best for them, only you!

-Emily